Madam Butterfly

I knew her before as a person who engrosses herself in self-pity. I understand because she told me her history of tragedy. I was even a witness to it. She was trying to fly even before we met. But circumstances pushed her to confusion. A confusion so great because she has not yet found her bearing. She was still caught between the crossfire of religion, family, and personal aspirations. With so much negativity, her weary heart cannot take the blunt hit and chose to rebel without a compass. She ventured to worlds unknown even from my standpoint. She rarely heard praises because her environment was more of cutting her wings to fly. Her environment was more of following a doctrine which was more like of a cult rather than the authentic one they proclaimed. There she lost her compass.

When I met her, I saw her as fragile. Easily she cries and weeps. She was not yet confident in any decisions she was making, yet she chose to love me.  When she made mistakes, it was like she was traumatized of ill reactions that came after because of the experiences of the outcomes she knew before. Rejection and being ignored upon, those were what she felt most often. Even when she was doing her best, if it was not for the cult, she would never receive any merit or cheer. I struggled with her fragile state because it was my first time trying to uplift a person who I am deeply in love with. I was pure head strong before, and I was trying my best to melt her frozen self while she was still finding her compass. My greatest effort was on not leaving her, because I know she is great, only that they cut her wings before she could fly. For the many fights and heartaches, she managed to evolve after our second break-up. That time, I saw her anew. Filled with hope. Was I part of her compass? When she was grappling over the loss, was she thinking the greatest loss she could have incurred while remembering me?

Her first redeeming moment was when she openly claimed her decision to accept my marriage proposal. The thaw settled in, and I think that was the first greatest challenge that happened to her in confronting her family. From then on, she shined. Her decisions became stern, and was it because of me? That alone, her decision to tie the knot punched high pride. She was pushing her way out of the cocoon as I offered my hand to her redemption. But I am not to take credit, she tore the world open in front of their eyes. And there she was, focused and wanting to officially tie the knot. She became a woman at that time. With that, I indeed married a woman!

She managed to see her way through. The gazes that once crippled her are no more because she stood tall, and she always knew that I am with her. The dice have been cast, and she was winning the lot. After that, she became greater and greater. It is like she is vengeful for her weak past; thus, in constant effort of proving to herself, she indeed became better. And I can see that on how she basks in her victories. I am just imagining her high school self and comparing that to her right now. I know she yearned for authentic recognition back then, but not the ones when she was yet rebelling without a compass. I saw myself in her victories. Because I carried the same spirit of vengeance to myself by making myself better. I hated my weak high school self, and that is why college for me was my golden transformation. She is having her shining glory now. I hope that she will continue to shine! Not to impress people, but to impress herself. Remember that self-pity I said earlier? I do not see it right now because she has already felt her worth (and continuing to do so), and I am one proud husband. I am just reminiscing her struggles before, even during our relationship's early phases. Comparing it to her right now, she has surpassed the snares that caught her before. She may seem not listening to my words before, but my greatest support was not to leave her. Abandoning her at her lowest and struggle is cowardice on my part. I laugh because I do not even fear her parents. What have I to fear when I have a strong compass? Now, I am seeing a woman in her full strength. Her glory has come, and awards come like there is no more tomorrow. I am one proud husband! Shine on, you crazy diamond!