Sometimes I
hit myself with remorseful thoughts. I have reached the point and have asked
myself: “Why should I continue on teaching?”. Let me tell you straight that I
have no license to teach (not technically a professional and finishing quality
graduate studies while working overload is very hard). I graduated from an arts
course, and if you can also consider the context of a major in philosophy here in the
Philippines. It came to me that I have made a wrong choice because it offered me nothing in this industrialized world. I could have been better off with any of
the technical vocational popular courses which are in line with the demands of the market,
yet I chose a course that brought me more ignorance once I studied it even
more. More so, I landed on the very field I thought I can do best and that is
teaching. Giving to you my background earlier, it goes to show I do not get
paid well. Let me be honest to myself, I am not worth as much as those who
have the necessary papers to prove their wage's worth.
I thought I
was graced by the school I worked in to have received a very surprising pay. So
surprising that it was double than what I usually earn. For three years, I was
basking on that raise, and it was only later that I found out that it was an error.
Nonetheless, when I first came into contact with that salary, I really thought
I deserved it. I deserved it not because of credentials but due to the merit from my work. However, when I was told that it was a mistake, I lost hope on merit. Merit
does not exist in the chosen profession I worked. With all the positive
feedback paired with my popularity in school, I thought I was indeed becoming
an influential person through teaching, and that I am getting rewarded for the
things that I have done. I did not care about the praises coming from my
superiors, as long as majority of the students in school saw me worth it. I am
directed towards serving my clients, and the school administrators are not the
clients. All these feedbacks from the students, the way they treated and continue to treat me, the way
that they approached me, and all the more the way they compared me to all other
teachers in the department flattered me to the core. The greatest flattery was
to always hear my students say: “All students should go through you
sir!”. For almost five years of servitude, I have increased my reputation, and I
did not wish to grab the attention and amicability of a bureaucratic administration
plagued with friendship bonds and favorites because they will all crumble
under the greatest stockholder who are the students. Yet, the students so
far are far from autonomous beings, and I think my classes are nothing but a breather for them (not being simple, but a taste of something exquisite). It is
like they have tuned in into that part of the radio that deals with all the
romantic ideals which filled their youthful passions. I have most of the
love in school not until these other factors came.
Inasmuch as I
am to be honest about being wrongfully paid due to the credentials which I
lack, these people do not hear the echoes of my name around the school. If
the clients are satisfied, they always refer to that employee who made them
feel such. But of course, they do not eat in the grassroots, jive with the students,
talk with them because that is not their concern; thus, they will never hear the
echoes. And if they do, the lame excuse of a rationalized institution and
protocols with all of its legitimizing hold on all processes takes place; thus, what is supposedly given is what is supposedly due. Due not in terms of
work performance, but due in terms of the tag of quality assurance one has. No
matter how shiny the bullet is, if it cannot kill, maim, or at least injure, then that bullet is a dud. Double the class size, pretend it is manageable with
lofty pedagogical innovations which by principle was never a concern of quality education but of profitability. Double the work, and what is worse, reduce the pay. It is fucking ironic to see others work and are paid higher
just because of credentials; and yes, we both are doing the same job, and I can
slap it to their faces I am even doing it better. They cannot live up to the
subject matter by content and yet they think by masterfully playing with
strategies they can make it happen without the essential guide of the subject
matter? I got to break it to them, majority of the subjects in the new curriculum
are under my field and not even by the college degree that I took, but by
interest, and I do have the gall to claim competence. Yet it pisses me off to see
these incompetents paid decently with the areas they are even clueless about.
Let me vent out my anger and jealousy. Yes, they will tell me to get the
necessary credentials, but if we just follow what is just, I would gladly slap
my brain to their empty papers. Isn’t it nice also that we are learning from
each other, oh yes! We the cheap competent are helping the helpless
incompetents paid decently. Exploit us more! See? Your degrees do not match
your capabilities. Fucking unfair to hear wages match with papers which do not translate to capabilities.
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