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Flames of Mt. Sinai

                I guess we have started the fire too early. Our love was so fiery at first that we were so adventurous even if we barely knew each other, but our hearts trusted one another into the commitment of such endeavours. It has been quite awhile when things are not physical anymore and an ordinary guy seems to be fasting in this manner of which most of the times guys who fast surely would not last. I am not just a guy but a man. She loves me in how I appear and in how I am inside. She made a deal with me by giving and trusting her heart to me and for that it goes beyond physicality. Although I am slightly dismayed by the fact of such fasting but it does not matter to me, because a man who has a goal in his heart is bound to achieve it and my goal is not as fleeting as carnality but the love and the eternal companionship is what I long for. Let the flesh come to manifest soon enough when things are in there proper place and when she is in the right mind to do so.

               I never would have imagined that the fire was so materially intense at those times because we are at the height of one phase of the ecstasy of love but now it is different. We have grown and seek further a love that transcends flesh, wherein souls are combined to form a union of two different persons into one. Love binds the differences and making us accept who we are and make us learn to love the other as how they are and learning to adjust our ways to simply love and to continually love the other. Never have I shun away pride and to tell the world I knelt before her in remorse and in resentment over the errors that I have made. But she turned out to be divine, giving her hand of forgiveness to me for I know I am still loved by her.

            I am trying my best at all times to remember and learn from my errors. Although I am yet young and too vulnerable to errors, jealousy and pride, but I am motivated and with all will am trying to correct my ways. As I have remembered a line from a movie, “we cannot force our will to the others, but we are here in this world to be generous enough to follow and let the other’s will be realized.” Happiness is the surrender of one’s self for the sake of the other and I have realized that that is my cause and my creed in my pursuit of a strengthened love affair with my woman. She gave me a chance to prove myself and I must not disappoint her neither will I drain her patience for not even giving a try. Young as I am, I am forced to work my way into this world, but let me go beyond that stage to simply let the other recognize her world through me without my will being enforced upon her as a chain that binds her wings. She is to fly and her happiness is in her flight and if I held her back I am like a cage shattering away her freedom. Although that is hard to understand, easy to say but even arduous to put into practice, I am truing my best to continually show to her that she is to be pleased and her will must be done.

                Be it noble of my act to surrender my will to her and let myself shine only at the closets of my being. I am still young, hesitant, resistant yet I am also a good student with the dire urge to perpetually learn.

                She has been the world to me and I cannot simply let that rot away. I have been bound by her sincerity to act also in equal of the immense trust she placed unto me in the very beginning even until now and even beyond. It has been nice for quite a long while wherein our worlds converge and shared each other’s joys and melancholies and where the other feels the emptiness of one in need. Everything has been colourful in my world because of her and for that I am ever grateful. But has the fire burnt out already? No, the fire further illuminates a bright flame, from fiery red to crystal blue. Poetic as I am, I do remind myself of the great alliance of time and destiny that I came to meet her and our hearts so to meet. I can say that that was the greatest gift time can offer me and I was so glad to accept its bounty and every day I am cherishing that gift and preserving it as part of my soul. I am happy to meet her, to love her and always will, so as also to know that love also is returned to me in kind and that love was not a mistake to us, but a blessing worth keeping.

                I have been daydreaming of that day wherein marriage is just around the corner for us. Wherein our souls are ready and have no more regrets for a happy union sealed for all time. Seldom a man thinks of marriage because mostly thinks through their libido, but mine is coming from the heart. My heart and my mind is aimed at our union. I can foresee our second year of being together, almost near and maybe to me joyfully thinking, the counting will never stop until we both shall bite the dust. I just long her to be my wife and I am working and in patience waiting for that time to come. Thus a new chapter in our lives will occur and more chapters to fill the book of our own very existence even beyond the grave. All I can say is again and again, I love you Joy.

:)



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